And the winners are...

This decision was a hard one. But I am going to crown kille_enna as the winner of my shop. She posted this gorgeous layout at SBB. Congratulations Kille! I will send you a link to all of my goodies later today.

And if you think the decision was easy, you would be WRONG! Just look at all of the awesome entries. Too cool! Thank you to everyone who entered. You made my birthday extra special.

And now for the winners of the joke competition! First, let me say that you guys had me cracking up! But I could only give a prize to three. So here they are ... my favorite jokes.

Winner #1 is Ramona! She was the very first to enter and for those of you who don't know Ramona ... she has this terrific ... COLORFUL ... personality. I was fortunate to get to know her while I was on the SGB Crew. Anyway, here is Ramona's joke. It's a bit x-rated so I'll bleep out some of it so as not to upset anyone!

Little Red Riding Hood happens to read the story with her in it, so before she leaves for Grandma's house, she puts a gun in her basket. As she is walking along in the forest, the Big Bad Wolf comes up to her and says, "I'm going to take you and fu** the sh** out of you!"

Little Red pulls out the gun and points it at him and say, "No you aren't, you're gonna eat me, just like the story says."

Winner #2 is anniep! This is a really long joke but it had me just about crying by the time I got to the end! Be sure to read it all.

The Chili Contest

*Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome.

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili #1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)

Judge #1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge #2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge #3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is in this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili #2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)

Judge #1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge #3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili #3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)

Judge #1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge #2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge #3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer!

Chili #4 (Bubba's Black Magic)

Judge #1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge #2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge #3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)

Judge #1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge #2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge #3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili #6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)

Judge #1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge #2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili #7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili)

Judge #1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge #2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili #8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili)

Judge #1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge #2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Winner #3 is anonymous engineer man (reveal yourself please)! He said this joke was voted world's funniest joke a while back. I can see why. Too funny!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Winners ... if you will please email me at Robyn at RobynEngland dot com, I will email you a link to your prize.

That's all I have time for today. I'll get some pictures of my vacation up in the next few days. We had a great time in Houston and Galveston.

I'll leave you with a little music from "my boyfriend" (as Marty calls him). I've always been one for older guys but there's something about Teddy Geiger that I just love. It's ok though because he turned 18 last year and he's legal now. LOL! I know he looks really young in the video but it was made when he was only 16. We listened to this song quite a few times on our trip. It's called These Walls.